ladies ladies please

My mother once told me that at some point in my life I would find myself playing mother to the world, and namely to men. And she was right.

When I see an ailing case it's like I can't stop myself; there is something in me that enjoys running headfirst into a burning bus to rescue an already dead body. And it's not just me. I have girlfriends who have dated men with drug problems, gambling problems, drinking problems and money problems. And lets not even get into the list of men with emotional problems, they seem to be the most desired in our lives. Is he a head case? Then yes I'll date him. Please.

What is it inside of a woman that feeds off of the need to help, to heal, to be the source and the cure of love for someone who will never change? Is it something we are born with, born into? I feel a neverneding obligation to make everyone happy, to protect my family and friends, to clean up. And I'm not even clean!

It's like we enjoy pain. And maybe we do. Strong women are masochists too. Maybe even bigger masochists than weaker women.

Being a strong female is trying. It causes alienation both in the workplace and at home. While climbing to the top you are inevitably trying harder than most men and therefore exhausting yourself and those around you. Controlling everything you possibly can. Strong women are bitches, they are demanding, they are independent, they are feminists. These types of stigmas allow little room to play the submissive. And maybe the only place that a strong female can find that outlet is in a male dominant relationship. It is exhausting to play queen, hostess, organizer etc etc.

So is a little abuse welcomed? Is a little submission necessary? To feel even or whole or to let lose for one second or to get off do strong women need to feel weak?

It is an interesting parallel that the strongest girls I know have also had the worst relationships. They are bored with the smooth sailing ones that they can control; it is the rough, tumultuous ones that stick. It is the men who are mean that you go back to.

My mom says it's just a phase, that you go through your phase with the bad guys the wrong guys and you get your kicks doing so. But times they are a changing, and women are stronger than they have ever been.

Sorry this was a sort of jumble of suppositions and questions but I am eager to get some answers from you guys

Older and Wiser

Today I was thinking about how as we grow older our ideals and preconceived notions sort of come into this real and depressing focus. Well maybe depressing is too harsh of a word. More like, different.
For example:
As a child I believed cheating in a relationship was wrong. Scandalously so! I swore up and down I would never cheat.

(I also swore I would never drink coffee or go to bed early and I think you all know where I am headed with this.)

Yes I cheated. And yes it came easier than I had thought it would. The guilt was there but the instant gratification was there too and instant gratification is one hell of a lure. Cheating also involved lying which was another thing I swore I’d never do. The line was crossed with no real connection to the severity with which I was straying from my old beliefs, and it all just snowballed from there.
But when I would sit down and bemoan the situation I had gotten myself into and anticipate the barrage of accusations and lectures my friends would give me, I was surprised to be greeted by their understanding and empathy. What was even more insane was that as time progressed I realized that most of the other people around me were cheating/had cheated.

I would even venture to say that more than half of my friends and acquaintances have strayed during a relationship and several others are chronic strayers with no thought of stopping.

And so the thought occurred to me one day as I sat in the mess I had created; maybe I wasn’t pure evil as I had previously thought. Maybe I was just growing up and losing my values as I went. And maybe this is just what happens.
Now I am not writing off my actions, no way no sir. What I did was horrible and wrong and if anyone ever did it to me I can’t image how I would feel. (Double standard?) I made my bed and I lay in it when everything came to a head. And I have come out a different person and am now lucky enough to be in a wonderful and committed relationship.
But what I was thinking about today and what I am suggesting to you right now is that maybe this is just something that happens. That we just inevitably lose something that we had. We lose a conviction.

What I can’t figure out is if we were more correct then or more correct now.
As a child was I just naive and that’s why I was able to really believe such an unwavering ideal?
OR
Am I just so corrupted now that those same ideals seem silly and unimportant?

Do we see more clearly now or then? Are we capable of making a real genuine moral judgment as a blank slate? Or are we more qualified now, after a life of exposure? After all coffee is bad for you and staying up late is like totally cool. Was I a better judgement-maker at 5 then I am now at 23?

The other weekend I was at the Spotted Pig with Erica (roommate) and some of her old work friends. They were all in their thirties and most were married with kids. Several of those married men hit on us. One even went so far as to tell me that his wife and kids had died in a fire and that’s why he was ready to take me home. And I was caught up in a sudden wave of that same childlike blanket feeling; I would never cheat on my husband/these men cannot possibly represent the majority.
Thus the question continues. Who is wrong, me or them? Who is wiser?

(By the way that picture on the top left is of those married guys. Perfect ain't it?)