Sunday, May 4, 2008
ladies ladies please
My mother once told me that at some point in my life I would find myself playing mother to the world, and namely to men. And she was right.
When I see an ailing case it's like I can't stop myself; there is something in me that enjoys running headfirst into a burning bus to rescue an already dead body. And it's not just me. I have girlfriends who have dated men with drug problems, gambling problems, drinking problems and money problems. And lets not even get into the list of men with emotional problems, they seem to be the most desired in our lives. Is he a head case? Then yes I'll date him. Please.
What is it inside of a woman that feeds off of the need to help, to heal, to be the source and the cure of love for someone who will never change? Is it something we are born with, born into? I feel a neverneding obligation to make everyone happy, to protect my family and friends, to clean up. And I'm not even clean!
It's like we enjoy pain. And maybe we do. Strong women are masochists too. Maybe even bigger masochists than weaker women.
Being a strong female is trying. It causes alienation both in the workplace and at home. While climbing to the top you are inevitably trying harder than most men and therefore exhausting yourself and those around you. Controlling everything you possibly can. Strong women are bitches, they are demanding, they are independent, they are feminists. These types of stigmas allow little room to play the submissive. And maybe the only place that a strong female can find that outlet is in a male dominant relationship. It is exhausting to play queen, hostess, organizer etc etc.
So is a little abuse welcomed? Is a little submission necessary? To feel even or whole or to let lose for one second or to get off do strong women need to feel weak?
It is an interesting parallel that the strongest girls I know have also had the worst relationships. They are bored with the smooth sailing ones that they can control; it is the rough, tumultuous ones that stick. It is the men who are mean that you go back to.
My mom says it's just a phase, that you go through your phase with the bad guys the wrong guys and you get your kicks doing so. But times they are a changing, and women are stronger than they have ever been.
Sorry this was a sort of jumble of suppositions and questions but I am eager to get some answers from you guys